So, upon opening my brand spanking new massager I was actually rather disappointed to find the instruction leaflet proudly proclaiming "this is a vibrator not a massager"...along with some fluff about not being coy.
As if being single isn't bad enough. The lack of strong male hands willing to massage my sore bits is in itself regrettable, but the massager/vibrator imposter is something else altogether! I was gutted. Especially as the stupid vibrator in disguise is not really powerful enough to sort out my spasmed muscles. As for my lacking attention bits...forget it, no way am I putting that thing anywhere near 'em, it's way too powerful for that! Besides...it's not like I have a shortage of properly designed girl pleasing toys.
So lacking a personal masseuse/man sized sex toy I decided it will be better for both my bank balance and sore muscles to find a man. Unlike our lovely MP's who seem to be able to purchase anything they want from the John Lewis list I could not find a tax payer funded cripple friendly catalogue of men to pick from. Which left internet dating. Again. At least these days there are plenty of decent free dating sites. A long time BSS reader 'that scrounging northerner'* had previously recommended plentyoffish as one of the best free sites.
As this is not intended to be a review of free dating sites all I'll say is that plentyoffish is, um, well, um, free. Actually it works pretty well for a free dating site as it includes a reasonable search facility. However, the downside to free is how well it works attracting those who can't pay as well as those who could but chose not to. Important, as I may be benefit scrounging scum but it's not a quality I seek in prospective partners.
Doing the internet dating thing has made me think of what characteristics I'm really looking for in a partner. I think it's probably time to mature the list from it's current state:
Ability to carry me on a regular basis
as so far all that's not exactly brought me the most well rounded specimens of manhood. No snickering, discussions of that kind of manhood to feature in upcoming installments.
* How are you dear?