Wednesday, October 05, 2011

'Benefit Thief' By Blood In The Sand. 1st Posted Oct 5th 2010

Originally posted here by Blood In The Sand

It was Wednesday, free money day, a reason to get out of bed. So I did. I then wandered down to the post office and stood in line with old dears posting mittens to grandsons, businessmen posting invoices and mums paying the gas and electric.

There were tuts and frowns of course, I mean I was 23 years old. Should have been out grafting, earning some wedge. A smartly dressed middle aged woman even said as much. 'Young man, hang your head in shame. I've never claimed benefits once.'

I looked at her and thought of my mum. I then grabbed my free money and bought 20 cigarettes with it. This didn't go down well with Mrs Average. 'Well how pleased am I my taxes pay for your cigarettes. I suppose you'll be off to the pub to waste the rest?' Her voice was raised and it brought disapproving looks and more tut-tutting from others.

I closed my eyes. Screaming, terror. My friend holding a severed head in his hand, 'Do I bury this mate or just bin it?' I looked at the attractive lady and smiled at her. 'Fuck off, you civvy cunt before I gouge your painted fucking eyes out.'

The man behind the counter took offense and joined the fray. 'Steady on son, there's no need for that.' I spun round to look at him and he saw for a brief moment the hate and pain inside my head. He went back to shuffling the papers and I went to the pub.

I should have been out looking for a job, instead of pouring whisky and beer down my throat. I felt bad about my unkind words, then I remembered faces shattered by metal and ordered more whisky.

That night I sat on a stool, pissed out of my head with a rope around my neck trying to find the balls to save the taxpayers some cash. But I wasn't brave enough. So I cried about the war for a bit, felt sorry for myself and I hung my head in shame...

3 comments:

Jan said...

I remember this from a previous posting. Well worth a repost; an incredible piece of writing.

This is reality.

Anonymous said...

Feel so broken by it all... how can we show what people can't see?... & when we do because we can't keep it in they freak out & punish us.. I ha appointment with 5 dr's & Nurses this morn... deperstely trying to DESCRIBE what's happening & hold together at same time... couldn't... broke down crying & screamed... they shocked & offended but supposed to be mental health Dr's... now more desperate & worried than before... How can i face new WCA's if i can't manage to describe or STICK to describing which doesn't show how I really am?... & if i don't hold onto just describing & break down & it all comes out wrong i'll be destitute again...
Epilepsy, severe vertigo, anxiety spectrum disorder, depression, aspects of ptsd etc... just words eh?.. Can't all be seen & what happens when they are?...
Nita
I'm thinking of you Kaliya & always wish you to be as well & happy as possible...

cogidubnus said...

brilliant bendy, just brilliant...