I sent Middy his care package today. I don't hold out much hope for the crisps but the porn should do just fine. I've never bought a top shelf magazine before, and as 5 foot is a far off dream for me the idea of a top shelf proved an interesting challenge.
I did briefly toy with the idea of trying to climb up the lower shelves and help myself, but I knew that was asking for trouble. I had visions of trying to explain to the paramedics what I'd been doing. Well, er you see, there's this blog I read. And I thought I'd buy a magazine for the bloke that writes it. Oh yeah, cos I was sending him a parcel. He's a soldier you know. Yes, dislocated hips. And shoulders. No, probably you're right. Not the best idea
So there was nothing for it but to ask someone to reach the shelf for me. I considered the bloke in the shop clearly buying sweets for his kids, but he looked like he'd explode if I so much as spoke to him, so I asked the girl behind the counter. "Can you get me a top shelf magazine down please" Whilst giggling. Like a maniac. I don't look terribly threatening, or apparently as though I'd be into any kind of porn as she giggled a lot too and climbed up on to the lowest shelf, asking me if I had any idea what the magazines were. I didn't. Sorry Middy, I've just never got in to porn. My friends think I own the only computer free from porn left in existence. Unfortunately the girl in the shop didn't know anything about porn either apart from my explanation that it was being picked out to send in a care package so she chose the one with the free dvd. Then we realised they all had free dvd's. And blanked out covers. I hope we didn't pick you donkey porn.
Donkey porn aside, it was easy to put a parcel together with a few treats and now that it's free to send parcels to named forces personnel, inexpensive. I mentioned this earlier to Roland, who as a policeman was rather chuffed to hear about this and immediately offered to send Middy a parcel too. Now, I've no idea how long Middy's on holiday for, but I do know there will be some people not lucky enough to receive any mail whilst there out there. As a few other people have offered to send parcels to Middy, perhaps he could let us know how to go about this?