There is a reason I blog anonymously. One which is very important to me. I'm not ashamed of anything I write about and have nothing to hide. But. And it is a significant but. I blog anonymously to give me the freedom to talk about issues affecting my life in a way I don't feel able to in my 'real life'
Which is why I haven't blogged much in the past week.
Despite being asked not to, Toes, having seen my benefit scrounging email address went ahead and googled the blog. Then, to rub salt into the wound, after telling me he had done so, ensuring I knew it was of no interest to him whatsoever, boring and not filled with vitriolic conspiracy theories about the NHS as he had hoped it would be, he opted to call himself Princess Fairy Toes on msn.
If I'm fully honest with myself I am far more upset and angry about this than I would usually be. The reason being that Toes insists he needed to 'check' to find out the truth. Very conspiracy theory indeed. Some time ago Toes had some serious work related problems. So serious that had the accusations against him been proved he would have lost his job and been unable to get another. The police would also have been involved. A stressful situation, but not one (I imagine) that usually leads to accusing your friends, and in my case turning up at my house accompanied by another of his friends to accuse and interrogate me one Sunday morning. After which Toes went on to phone round various friends, some mutual, some not so mutual, to try and find the proof he wanted. He even got in touch with the Sexy Irishman of all people. He was insistent that I must be the person who had reported him (anonymously) to his employers.
Now, I have no idea who reported Toes, or why, but I do know there was a great deal of truth in the accusations made. I also don't react well to being accused of any kind of lie or falsehood. That's my issue which dates back to the time before I was diagnosed. At the time Toes was suspended and screaming and shouting about how it must have been me who did it, I deliberately did not blog about any of it. His work, his issues, his privacy to respect. Whoever the anonymous accuser was they didn't provide enough evidence for Toes to lose his job, and eventually Toes was absolutely 100% convinced he knew who this person was. Apart from still thinking it was me that is. And now having found out it wasn't the other person he thinks it was probably me again.
The sad, sordid and pathetic little backstory isn't why I'm upset though. Ultimately that is because someone I considered a friend broke my trust and deliberately went ahead to do something I'd asked them not to.
Now I'm left not sure how I feel about this blog. I hope that having (sort of) had it out with Toes I will start to feel better about it in a few days. Right now all I feel is raw and exposed.