Sunday, October 05, 2008

Warmfront

Life is busy, busy, busy at the moment. Both the good and bad kind of busy jostling for time and attention.

It is some months yet before the house goes on the market, but there is much to be done. The obligatory forms demand answers, handwritten of course and in triplicate. At least. Answers I'm not sure I have. Simplicity is not a feature of being bendy. I don't know how far I can walk on the flat, or if I struggle to get into my home. Doesn't everyone? A life which seems normal to me for so long now I can remember no other. I baulk at saying I can't when for so long I have fought to believe that I can.

Possessions need to be sorted. To be sold, kept or given away. For once I am glad I own so little. How does one organise a move when to organise a meal is a daily challenge?

I shall be glad to leave a house so cold and difficult to heat. Already the kitchen and bathroom show their refrigeration capabilities. On a day sunny and warm outside, within these walls the purple Help the Aged thermometer tells me to watch for symptoms of cold. My muzzy head confirms the need for caution. Wearing another layer no protection for those of us the government choose to believe need no help keeping warm.

So for now I choose to ignore the mounting fear curled in a ball inside me laid by factors far beyond my control and concentrate upon the fragile spark of hope now glowing within.

17 comments:

steph said...

Well done, Bendy

Where there's hope, there's life!

"I baulk at saying I can't when for so long I have fought to believe that I can."

That's a profound statement and should be pinned to the wall of every Benefits office.

frogpondsrock said...

You Rock!!! Ms Bendy.. xxx Kim

Casdok said...

Good for you girl. :)

Mary said...

Keep going... I don't have much that's constructive to say but I am reading and I am rooting for you.

Nicey said...

BSC,

New house new start, I like your style bset of luck

Nicey

Dave said...

Glad you're back girl.

My opinion on the form filling is as long as you write an answer they'll accept it. Leave it blank and they query it. The people who check these forms aren't interested in your answer per se, only that there is an answer.

So- how far do you think you can walk today? Or a cold, wet miserable day? In high summer? They're all different, so who cares? What's going to happen if you write 50 yards and on a particular day you can manage 60? What do you do? Stop walking once you've reached your quota? What if you write 50 but can only manage 25? Someone comes to help?

It's all bollox and as long as you write something they won't care either way

Mr. Nighttime said...

BG-I am still trying to reach my friend. His job has him traveling all over Asia at the present, and he is hard to track down.

LceeL said...

My heart aches for you. SWMBO has EDS, as well, although her condition is not as profound as yours, still I understand your limits better than most - I see an example of them every day. I see her pain - often unexpected and without reason - and I rub and I massage hoping to offer some meager respite from her continual discomfort. I wish there was someone there to comfort you. More than anything, I wish there was someone there to do for you as I do for Annie. You deserve at least that much.

Fire Byrd said...

I'm so pleased your back, I'd been worrying about whether you were ok.
Sounds as if you are hanging on with your finger nails again.
hugs x

Rae!xx said...

Bendy I so hope everything turns out all right in the end, you deserve no less.

Glad to have you back too...(((hugs))) xx

having my cake said...

Yup, think positively and put on an extra cardy x

gemmak said...

It's not nice is it to have to concentrate on what you 'can't' do when you spend all your time telling yourself you 'can' do stuff.. These people ought to consider the holistic approach a little when demanding their answers! :o/

Marla said...

Moving is so much work. I am tired just thinking of all you need to do. And yet it is pretty exciting! Good luck!

Katrin said...

good luck!

Sage said...

Best wishes for the move, and for the future... it can only be better than where you are at present, can't it?

{{hugs}}

BenefitScroungingScum said...

I'm having a bit of a problem keeping up with comments atm. So for everyone who does comment thank you, I read all of them and love to receive them, but at the moment I can either write blogs and try to get around other people's to comment or manage to reply to every individual comment and I've decided blogging is more sensible!

Steph: Thank you honey! Sadly I do understand that the benefits system need to know how bad things are to award benefits but I do think a middle ground could be found Hope you're feeling better x x

Dave: That is good advice thank you...I especially like the idea of someone coming along to help ;)

MrN: Thank you, it is so lovely of you

Lou: I hope I find a man as wonderful as you to share my life with, your wife is a lucky woman!

FB, Rae and Cake: Thank you all my lovelies x

Gemma: Its an interesting situation from the outside I guess, how do you assess peoples difficulties when they want to emphasise the positivies?

Marla: Yes, that's why I'm starting so early

Katrin thank you

Sage: Hello, welcome and thank you. For all the faults of this place I at least have an affordable roof over my head, which I'm not convinced I'll have when I have to leave. Hugs

Trixie said...

Hey, I know you like to be independant, but if it helps you by saying you are really worse off than you think you are... do it! Everybody else does afterall!