Iraq war veteran: Haunted, in prison, now homeless
Case study: Former sergeant major John Dale's life began to unravel two years ago, when 20 years of military service brought nightmares and flashbacks
John Dale has completed 20 years of military service, in Iraq – the last time in 2006 amid some of the fiercest fighting of the war – and Sierra Leone and Northern Ireland. His plan was to leave the army and join the police or fire service.
But today, aged 40, the former sergeant major and father of three children is homeless, living in a tent in the garden of the Margate house belonging to the brother of his wife, Kerry.
He had been released from prison in April, after being found not guilty of the attempted murder of Kerry. The charge, he says, came about after he lied to police so that they would lock him up, so that his family, who had watched helplessly as he fell apart, would not have to "babysit" him any more.
Dale's life began to unravel two years ago, when his regiment, the 1st Battalion, the Light Infantry, was preparing to return to Iraq on what would have been his fourth tour. He never made it. The nightmares and flashbacks he increasingly suffered but had tried to suppress, became impossible to ignore. He saw dead children everywhere. He couldn't see a way out and tried to kill himself.
He says he can pinpoint the root of his problems back to an incident in Basra in the first month of the Iraq invasion, seven years ago. "We were told to hit and clear an enemy building," says Dale. "The tanks opened up on the building and we went in, firing, throwing grenades in every room. We thought there was no one firing back because of the weight of fire. But when we got in there, it wasn't an enemy building, it was just a normal family. There were about seven of them in total. Dead children lying all over the floor." It was 27 March, 2003, his 33rd birthday.
As platoon sergeant he had to clear the casualties: "I really struggled hard with it. We were always told that we had to go in gently, not to injure any civilians. Me and the corporal got together afterwards and we knew what we'd done was wrong. But you tried not to talk about it."
Three years later his first marriage broke down and he drank heavily. By the time of his third tour, amid nightly mortar attacks, his mental health had deteriorated. The army sent out a psychiatrist, whom, he later discovered, said he had probable post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Dale says he only learned of the early diagnosis this year when the notes were disclosed during a tribunal over his war pension. He plans to sue the army, he says, for not undertaking his treatment sooner.
"Have you ever seen the advert where a guy kills a kid in a car accident and he sees the kid everywhere, in the park, in his home? That's what 2003 did to me. I would watch soldiers die in Afghanistan and it would all come back. You go out to get drunk to try and stop it but it just gets worse. Every time I have a birthday, I can't celebrate it. I put the cards in a drawer. How can I celebrate a birthday when I … " His words hang in the air.
Two years later, haunted by what had happened, Dale tried to kill himself "three or four times" and was sectioned. He was formally diagnosed with PTSD by a military specialist in September 2008, and medically discharged the following September.
But things came to a head in November 2009, when he shoved Kerry aside after a row over money. She called the police; he says he told them he tried to kill her. Now he says he lied to police because he wanted to be locked up. Prison reminded him of Iraq and gave him flashbacks. He did not get treatment for PTSD there. On 4 April this year a jury found him not guilty and he was released.
Dale and Kerry, whom he married two months ago, had relied on his pension to cover the rent on their Dover home. But when he was remanded in custody his war pension was stopped. Kerry fell behind with the rent and was evicted.
In May, he sought treatment with Talking 2 Minds, a psychotherapy group run by a former SAS officer. "I've not had one nightmare or flashback since. I'm homeless, I'm living in a tent. I might not have the luxuries some people have but at least I've got my head back and my life back." He says the military "are teaching to kill without emotion", adding: "They give you resettlement to get a job. But something should be done to reprogram you."