Tweet your need!

4/06/2009 12:08:00 pm BenefitScroungingScum 4 Comments

In a new and exciting development for the lives of ~~valued disabled people~~ scumbag scroungers, the ~~unelected Prime Minister~~ government today announced plans to trail blaze the areas of social networking and independent living. These exciting plans mean social networking and the provision of social care will be taken to a new level which the planners believe to be a natural development.

No longer will ~~politically correct, patronising do gooders~~social workers wield inappropriate power over ~~those fuckin' cripples who happen to be a drain on society and your honestly paid taxes~~ disabled people. No more will be denied access to services because budgets have all been spent ~~getting pissed on the council team building breaks in Iceland~~ensuring the health and safety department are fully briefed in all methods of refusing accessible equipment to anyone who might need that access.
This exciting new technological development means all those contacting the SS will be supplied with internet access and a twitter feed. Thus providing the additional benefit of solving the recruitment crisis currently afflicting the SS.

Members of the SS will be replaced with highly trained social care professionals who will ~~refuse to change lightbulbs or perform personal care because "it's not on the sheet"~~ teach disabled people the in's and out's of social networking and how to use it to call for assistance. Any time such crippled people feel they would like assistance they are taught to tweet that need in explicit detail, while the general public are encouraged to offer help in return for reductions in their council tax.

Early reports of female cripples having an unfair advantage whilst appealing for personal care are at this stage considered to be unfounded, but archive footage will be available via selected services for the bargain cost of less than £10 per taxpayer.

4 comments:

Mr. Nighttime said...

Hmm...why do I hear you writing SS with a German accent? I'm just sayin... ;-)

12:03 am

Mary said...

*cough*

Actually my taxpayer/assistance-provider and I do use Twitter and msn and suchlike to manage some aspects of my care, including medication schedules and incident reporting.

He doesn't get a reduction in his council tax, but he does get to access a range of criptastic services including:
- parking privileges
- escort for social occasions
- valid reason to avoid social occasions, or leave early
- contributions towards housekeeping costs
- parcel waiting service
- personalised daily news headlines summary, delivered over dinner