Monday, October 19, 2009

Pity Party

I'm currently sat on my sofa with a fixed, rictus grin on my face. I don't cope very well with self pity so I'm operating on the principle that smiling will release some kind of happy hormones just because of the act of smiling. If that's not the case, I can at least enrol myself in a gurning competition.
The reason I'm having a full blown pity party is I've just had to be rescued by a passer by for the fourth time in a week.

The interest rates for a loan from the spoon bank are far more crippling than any loanshark could come ever dream up. I knew that when I made the decision to wear stupid, stupid, oh so pretty, stupid, stupid shoes. I knew that when I made the decision to dance. In not nearly so stupid, or so pretty but quite sensibleish really shoes. I knew it when I decided to stay out late. I knew it and I did it all anyway.
It was well worth it, thinking back now puts a genuine smile on my face.

One guest at the pity party is fickle hope. When I put on the stupid shoes, the height of the heel made my hips feel better. Wearing heels changes the position of the hips and pelvis, and for me tips it all into a more comfortable position. Unfortunately wearing heels also translates the most unstable part of my body from my hips to my knees without removing the instability from my hips. Or anywhere else. I was very fortunate that the stupid shoe wearing event coincided with the part of my menstrual cycle when I'm at my least spandy bandy. It's less fortunate that the after effects of all the stupid shoe wearing, stupid dancing, coincide perfectly with my most bendy part of the month.

The self pity, all time pity party guest of honour, is the nagging voice of pain, whispering in my ear, a knowledge I don't want to hear. That my joints have slowly but surely been worsening for months.

9 comments:

alhi said...

(((hugs)))

Sometimes a pity party is the right thing to have: you can't be strong all the time.
I assume there is nothing at all you can do about the worsening of your joints other than learn to live with the increasing disability and attempt to build up your strength all over again?

Veronica said...

I spend a lot of time trying to ignore things getting worse. Head in the sand type ignoring.

Was it at least a cute passerby?

frogpondsrock said...

The stupid shoes were very, very pretty. Wallow in your pity for a bit. Have a bloody good cry and try and eat your body weight in chocolate. Then my sweeting just pick yourself back up and get on with it. *sigh* Lots of love to you xox

Casdok said...

Hugs

Achelois said...

Have a brandy, pop on a dvd, eat some chocolate. Wallow away and don't beat yourself up so much. Take a little time to remember the fun and frolics of party and smile at the memory. Big hug and hope you feel better soooooooooon. xoxoxoxox

cogidubnus said...

Oh hon...

misspiggy said...

poor you! I am a long time lurker and admirer, and was just wondering whether you have considered taking a progesterone only pill to avoid menstrual cycle-related extra-bendiness? I take Desogestrel, which unlike older versions actually works; you can take it up to 12 hours late; and it offers complete freedom from periods and related hormonal changes. All without (in my case) any of the depression, weight gain and general crapness that other pills have caused. It's a bit more expensive to the NHS so it might not get offered to you straight away, but you can get it easily from GP if you ask.

Buy Extenze said...

The stupid shoes were very, very pretty. Wallow in your pity for a bit. Have a bloody good cry and try and eat your body weight in chocolate. Then my sweeting just pick yourself back up and get on with it. *sigh* Lots of love to you xox
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devonnielson said...

chocolates really helps in this situation, even music helps a lot.