Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Bendy Beauty

Y'know, there is an actual proper reason for all those warnings to not download dodgyness from the internet. Not that I believe photos of people who happen to be naked are dodgy or anything, I'm no hypocrite. Which is how I've ended up with a virus on my laptop, an experienced downloader of dodgy photos would never have been so daft! 

It started yesterday. Blame twitter. It gets blamed for all sorts, so why not the virus on my laptop? A friend tweeted me to alert me to a conversation on Ian Collins late night talk radio show which had featured a guest with problematic hypermobile joints. Now, I'd never heard of TalkSport, let alone Ian Collins or his guest Peta Todd so I was eager to find out more. Unfortunately there's no listen again feature on TalkSport so my friend explained that the glamour model Peta Todd had been talking about the problems her hypermobility has been causing her of late, most recently she dislocated her hip running the marathon. I was intrigued and went searching for photos of Peta Todd to see for myself how bendy she is. 

Which explains how I managed to download a virus. A proper pain in the arse, still haven't got rid properly after 24 hours, and many scans with AVG, Spybot, Ad-aware and most recently Avast kind of virus. If, as it kept informing me, it was logging my keystrokes, then dear virus, go fuck yourself. Meant only in the politest of ways of course. I am a lady. Just one who's a bit inexperienced in searching for nekkid photos of other ladies. Oh, and while I'm at it, I've got no money. Don't bother nicking my identity....though, if you do, you can take the being spazzed up part as well. Hey, it's not just politicians who can be harsh on us benefit scroungers. I can too. No spazzness no benefits. That'd really make you rue the day you decided to steal someone's identity. 

Anyway, back to Peta Todd. She's seriously gorgeous, but then you'd expect that for a bendy woman, we are after all conspiring to breed a new bendy super race. She's also intelligent, well informed and very involved with Help for Heroes; in fact she's enough to send a straight woman sapphic.  She's gone straight to the top of my Beautiful Bendys list, even with the virus. Just look at her and tell me you wouldn't forgive her that yourself? It's ok, I made sure not to link to the virus photo. I'm considerate like that. 

My joints must've come out in sympathy with Peta's because in addition to virus fighting I've been fighting my lack of proprioception all day. I was congratulating myself on doing really, really well for managing to open a jar of coffee when I somehow managed to throw half of that coffee all over the kitchen floor. Where it joined the water and sugar I'd already spilled there in a sticky mess. I know better than to attempt floor washing in such a state so settled for sweeping up the mess. Twice. I dropped the first effort all over the floor. 

I'm fairly sure it's not the coffee attracting in the local cat population. I blame twitter for that too. All those tweeters raving about how good Culpepper catnip was meant I treated BendyCat to one of their catnip mice. Twitter was as usual right. Cats l o v e those toys. Every single bloody cat in the neighbourhood loves that mouse. Except for BendyCat. She won't go near it now an endless stream of drug seeking kittehs have waltzed through her catflap and indulged themselves in a narcotic drooling frenzy. To add insult to injury, BendyCat is old and cripped up cat style so she can't even chase the nipnicking moggies away.



Anonymous said...

My bad re the virus!

BenefitScroungingScum said...

Tony: No need, I was the idiot that went downloading photos ;) I'm glad you told me regardless of virus's!

cogidubnus said...

You're right, Peta is indeed gorgeous...

Anyhow you'll be relieved to hear that you don't need to be bendy to lack proprioception...I made myself highly popular at work today by dropping (and smashing) the coffee jar, and in the process of flapping about/cleaning up, knocking someone's favourite mug out of their hand...I think it's another form of senior moment!

Know what you mean about attracting everyone else's stray moggies...we've only (!) got five...but some of next door's thirteen are regular visitors...

BenefitScroungingScum said...

Cogi: That's totally enough to become an honorary member of the bendy mafia, welcome in!
I don't mind the stray moggies, but BendyCat is getting a bit distressed by it all. Fortunately there's a door that can stop most of it, so long as it stays shut...and I don't tend to be a fan of shut doors cos they're difficult to open. Ironically it's the one door in the place that BendyCat can't open!
Your next door neighbours have 13 cats? Really? I'm moving to your road ;)

steph said...

Sorry to hear about the virus.

I suggest you flush that catnip mouse down the loo to give BendyCat a bit of peace and quiet!

I have catnip growing in the garden but my cats rarely go near it. They much prefer to roll on patches of dried earth.

One of my cats likes to sprawl out on top of a bush to sunbathe!

cogidubnus said...

There are another four or five cats next door the other side too...not bad eh? (The snobs across the road hate us, but we present a united front!)

I'm deeply honoured to be considered an honorary member of the bendy mafia...I will do my best to live up to it...

Achelois said...

My cat is old and vet thinks she has lost her sense of smell! This does not stop her being able to read obviously as she is getting very fussy in her advanced years and seems only to want to eat Very expensive cat food. Since her son died we have been invaded by every cat from everywhere as she just sits on the windowsill looking at them. So we are getting a kitten - happy bendy clapping from me. Obviously clapping hurts so its virtual clapping. The kitten is only a month old but I am very very excited. Very.

I think there is something in the air. My proprioception is particularly poor at the moment. I won't bore with my latest most proprioception story suffice to say my postman named Gordon laughed so much this morning at my utter inability to function on any reasonable level he came in and made us both a cup of tea!

Fortunately I did have the forsight to minimise the picture in The Sun of bendy model before he came in otherwise the whole village would have heard god knows what. Its worse than the Archers round here.

On that subject she is smiling the smile that my daughter does which is dazzling. I know it means ow hurry up and take the photo this pose is killing me. Not that my daughter is a glamour model I hasten to add. Although as BG knows there is no good reason why she couldn't be as even though I am obviously bias she would make money. At a recent interview which involved standing and giving a presentation she was amused in the feedback session that she came across as confident and not nervous. She actually told me she was concentrating so hard on not falling over that she couldn't spare a moment to thoughts of being nervous. I suppose this could be considered one advantage of ehlers danlos! herumph..

Cogidubnus - I have meant to say for ages I am fascinated by your name. Having visited the Roman Palace as a child.

I'm off to think of a name for new kitten.....

Vi said...

i've given up on the free virus spyware stuff, as my old comp is soooo effing slow when I was using them, doesn't get the lot I'm sure. So I forked out for norton. So far so good.

misspiggy said...

Makes you think, are we all part of some long forgotten, sexy and beautiful yet ridiculously clumsy race whose origins got lost in the mists of time? I wonder if anyone has ever done any genetic profiling of bendies?

Lankylonglegs said...

Not one of my cats will show the slightest bit of interest in catnip, so Bendycat is not alone in her indifference :o)

With regard to your list of "Beautiful Bendies" I still say YOU should top that list although Peta Todd is very pretty and does great work.

Hope you have sorted the virus problem out now, damned things drive us nuts!

Keep on smiling, it's the only way to survive :o)
Jo x