Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Zip, zilch, zero

Despite spending the past three years railing at the inadequacies of the welfare state, now that we're in the run up to an election when it really matters I got nothing. Zip. Zilch. Zero. Just a big blank of swirling brain fog everytime I see a politician rambling on about welfare reform. Admittedly it's a less destructive cloud than the volcanic one, but only on a global scale. Inside my brain all flights are still grounded. 

I blame the Oxycontin withdrawal for this particularly virulent bout, but the brain fogged state is recognisable to anyone with disabilities or chronic illness.  Actually, sod that, as that is reasonable and Oxycontin withdrawal is not. I blame it for everything. Even the volcano. That's just because the withdrawal process is a bit like a volcano. All spurting fury mixed with teasing glimpses of blue sky. 

Fair enough, I expected the pooping and puking, the sweats and the shivers; I've seen Trainspotting. I even thought there might be some mood swings. I'm a girl, years of practice with hormones have prepared me for that. I expected it would be painful, but then I'm used to that. What I did not under any circumstances expect is that it would fuck with my sex drive so effectively. 


I'm sure there's a shiny scientific reason as to why opiate withdrawal affects sexual desire and function but sexual frustration means I'm too grumpy to google it. I saw the odd mention of it when I was searching for information about Oxycontin withdrawal, but as 99.9% of searches for information about opiate withdrawal are about addiction, usually helpfully provided by private clinics offering rehab services, it was hard to find any really useful information about the physical and psychological effects of withdrawal. 

So this is the bit you really need to know. Oxycontin withdrawal is an evil orgasm thief. Yes, that's right, withdrawal steals your orgasms. But just to fuck you up good and proper it whacks up your sex drive. Who knew there'd be such wonderful fringe benefits to crippledom.


It seems to start with a period of frantic, desperate wanking as the only way to deal with the ridiculous sex drive which arrives to taunt you a small dosage drop into the withdrawal process. The wanking is specific as trust me, no-one wants to shag a pooping puking mess, which is what you'll be at that stage of the process. Fortunately at that point you will see an happy ending  to all that wanking. Be sure to be damn grateful as later on all you'll get are sore fingers and numb bits. 


After the frantic wanking stage expect your sex drive to become dormant for a period of time, probably dependent on how quickly you're withdrawing. The other effects won't be that kind and will continue to plague you like the demonic little bastards they really are. Then, just when you think it couldn't get any worse your sex drive reappears with a vengeance, but no matter what you try orgasms are off the menu. 

I'm now down to 10mg of Oxycontin tds, from a starting point of 40mg tds. When I tried to withdraw rapidly I had to stop at this point. This time round I'm not stopping but it is noticeably more difficult than the previous few dosage reductions have been. I'm still eating gluten as I discovered it's a wonderful method of counteracting the poop/puke cycle, and in the absence of orgasms a girl needs all the donuts she can get.

6 comments:

BubbleGirl said...

That has got to be about the worst symptom list I've seen in a while. I really hope you are soon able to find a balance between sex drive and orgasms.

At least you have the donuts.

madsadgirl said...

Hooray for donuts!

Achelois said...

I have absolutely no idea when you were on a maintenance dose of 40mg whether this was considered a lot or not. I am not silly enough to see that 10mg is less but still don't know where this is on the grand scale of Oxycontin.

I am doing well as being a well brought up convent girl of middle age reading about you wanking went ok. Not because of it I suppose more I guess I associate the word wanking with the males species.

Because you have not explained the association with lack of orgasm and oxycontin withdrawal I also am not sure apart from a guess as the reasons for this.

I do know that wanking as you so delicately put it will not help any shoulder problems and hope you are not suffering any long term effects as a result!

I know that anyone who has had a long term association with an opiate/alcholol (sp) illegal or not. Is generally told to expect sexual urges to change etc and also told that to effectively make the change that one must exercise patience with regard to all matters sexual.

I am sure if I thought about it long enough I would work out the reason for the lack of orgasm but am loathe to google it!

In the meantime treating yourself with donuts seems no bad thing. I must have missed something on your blog somewhere because I never seem to have worked out why you chose to stop taking it in the first place. I was prescribed it once for breakthrough pain and I was so horribly allergic to it its all over my notes.

For some reason acupuncture pops into my mind in this scenario. Not being a particular fan I am not sure why!

BG you should though be really proud of your efforts with regard to Oxycontin thus far and hope you reach whatever goal you are looking for in the long term.

BenefitScroungingScum said...

Bubble Girl: It's weird how all this stuff just becomes a normal part of life very quickly and that life goes on regardless. Judging by what's already happened I think sexual function will just gradually return to normal once the opiates are out of the system. But yes, donuts mmmm

Madasagirl:Absolutely! Oh and chocolate, where would we all be without chocolate ;)

Achelois:Thank you! 40mg is a decent dose of Oxycontin, it's usually taken twice a day but it never worked that way for me so I've always taken it 3 times daily. That is making withdrawal harder. Having said that I was at one point on some 270mg of Oxycontin per day (as opposed to 120mg I started the withdrawal from) in addition to fentanyl and topiramate so it's all relative.

I stopped the fentanyl years back, it never worked well due to absorbtion issues and is too sedating for effective pain management. I also stopped the topiramate as I wasn't sure it was making much difference to pain control but WAS making all my EDS issues worse, I didn't realise how much so until I stopped it. It wasn't doing anything for pain control either.
I started to reduce the Oxycontin because it stopped working-the tablets weren't absorbing and I was having a few days here or there of typical withdrawal symptoms before a tablet would absorb and start the whole cycle again. I felt that left me with no real choice except to withdraw from the drug. Other opiates could have been prescribed to make the process easier but then I'd still be in the position of not knowing how much pain relief I actually need. At the end of the day I've been on Oxycontin for almost a decade and it worked well for most of that time, but it'll be good to get it completely out of my system and be able to assess how much pain relief I need without the additional pain caused by long term opiate use/withdrawal.
As for the sexual function, I still can't be bothered to google it properly but I'm guessing it's got something to do with the opiate/pleasure receptors in the brain and the effects of the changing chemistry on them.
Ultimately this was a rock/hard place decision. Opiate withdrawal wouldn't be my choice of fun activities but it's much better this way than carrying on hoping the tablets would work and dipping in and out of withdrawal symptoms constantly.
Long term I'd love to be able to avoid controlled drugs, at least for the next few years but I'll only know if that's realistic once withdrawal is over.

Scribbler said...

Ah, what a well-chosen substitute - that most sexual of cakes. Your subconscious has obviuously chosen a metaphorical match - it's no coincidence surely that doughnuts are covered in sugar; you can get a ring doughnut (oo-er missus); a jammy doughnut (oo-urrghh missus); a chocolate ring (whatever takes your fancy); a custard-filled doughnut (ahem...); and a cream doughnut (mmm...). And if you get bored of doughnuts, there's always muffins.

Achelois said...

Thank you for the explanation BG it all makes much more sense.

Scribbler - I would like to formally thank you for the appropriate spelling of doughnut!