Despite spending the past three years railing at the inadequacies of the welfare state, now that we're in the run up to an election when it really matters I got nothing. Zip. Zilch. Zero. Just a big blank of swirling brain fog everytime I see a politician rambling on about welfare reform. Admittedly it's a less destructive cloud than the volcanic one, but only on a global scale. Inside my brain all flights are still grounded.
I blame the Oxycontin withdrawal for this particularly virulent bout, but the brain fogged state is recognisable to anyone with disabilities or chronic illness. Actually, sod that, as that is reasonable and Oxycontin withdrawal is not. I blame it for everything. Even the volcano. That's just because the withdrawal process is a bit like a volcano. All spurting fury mixed with teasing glimpses of blue sky.
Fair enough, I expected the pooping and puking, the sweats and the shivers; I've seen Trainspotting. I even thought there might be some mood swings. I'm a girl, years of practice with hormones have prepared me for that. I expected it would be painful, but then I'm used to that. What I did not under any circumstances expect is that it would fuck with my sex drive so effectively.
I'm sure there's a shiny scientific reason as to why opiate withdrawal affects sexual desire and function but sexual frustration means I'm too grumpy to google it. I saw the odd mention of it when I was searching for information about Oxycontin withdrawal, but as 99.9% of searches for information about opiate withdrawal are about addiction, usually helpfully provided by private clinics offering rehab services, it was hard to find any really useful information about the physical and psychological effects of withdrawal.
So this is the bit you really need to know. Oxycontin withdrawal is an evil orgasm thief. Yes, that's right, withdrawal steals your orgasms. But just to fuck you up good and proper it whacks up your sex drive. Who knew there'd be such wonderful fringe benefits to crippledom.
It seems to start with a period of frantic, desperate wanking as the only way to deal with the ridiculous sex drive which arrives to taunt you a small dosage drop into the withdrawal process. The wanking is specific as trust me, no-one wants to shag a pooping puking mess, which is what you'll be at that stage of the process. Fortunately at that point you will see an happy ending to all that wanking. Be sure to be damn grateful as later on all you'll get are sore fingers and numb bits.
After the frantic wanking stage expect your sex drive to become dormant for a period of time, probably dependent on how quickly you're withdrawing. The other effects won't be that kind and will continue to plague you like the demonic little bastards they really are. Then, just when you think it couldn't get any worse your sex drive reappears with a vengeance, but no matter what you try orgasms are off the menu.
I'm now down to 10mg of Oxycontin tds, from a starting point of 40mg tds. When I tried to withdraw rapidly I had to stop at this point. This time round I'm not stopping but it is noticeably more difficult than the previous few dosage reductions have been. I'm still eating gluten as I discovered it's a wonderful method of counteracting the poop/puke cycle, and in the absence of orgasms a girl needs all the donuts she can get.