Wednesday, September 29, 2010

It's all in the name!

I lay in bed last night feeling quite sorry for myself, in fact, sorry enough for a tear to slide down my cheek. But then, as tends to happen when tears arrive, my nose started to block up and I realised I was far too sorry for myself to deal with that. So that was the end of that. I decided I'd better be cheerful instead and look on the bright side of life. 

I have a BendyBus! What's not to like? Well...BendyBus has returned from the garage where it had been for almost a week...and broke down more times than I could count on the way home. I'm not sure if the garage were too busy to look at it properly or whether they just didn't know what's ailing BendyBus but they liberally applied WD40 and didn't charge me anything. Which was very nice of them as they did drive me home and the robbing bastards company contracted to provide NHS wheelchair services wanted a £40 call out fee for private work. On top of service charge, any parts oh and some labour too. Which they didn't provide an actual price for. Which also reminds me they still haven't come back to fix my NHS wheelchair. Private companies doing NHS work with taxpayers money. Aren't we all glad they do such a reliable job already they won't need to clean up their acts to bid for more of that lovely taxpayer money coming their way? I'd stamp my foot if I hadn't already learnt my lesson about that leading directly to dislocations. It's a definite flaw in the system that politicians don't receive similar direct consequences to force them to learn from their mistakes, and just think how much more entertaining PMQ's would be!

Garages and mobility companies be damned, I know what's wrong with the BendyBus. It was very obvious when I thought about it sensibly. BendyBus requires constant charging, energy, warmth and attention. It looks pretty, uncannily like a fully functioning mobility scooter that has nothing wrong with it. BendyBus tries it's absolute best to do as it's told...only to immediately run out of power any time it's asked to do something hard...like, say, moving. Then it collapses in a big bendy heap on the pavement wailing "you can't make me". It's even in the name. That's right, the BendyBus must have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. There is no other possible cause. Batteries, chargers and loose connections be damned. 

Only I could end up with a mobility scooter with EDS; it's not like you can go to the shops and try to buy a scooter with it, they hide amongst all the fully functioning scooters, looking all shiny to convince the world their excellent health is the very reason to take them home. Then as soon as you're out the door it's collapse on the pavement in a big heap time. This is taking the bendy seeker gene to a whole new level. 

What with the BendyBus, the bendy seeker gene and the rest of my latest internet purchases it's probably for the best that I can't get out much at the moment. I appear to have taken inebriated online shopping to a whole new level. After the purchase of 6 bottles of mineral water heavier than myself caused by stoned reading of post apocalyptic swine flu literature I had thought I couldn't sink any lower* but this time I've outdone myself. I've bought a Onesie online. So now it's official. The BendyBus really is bendy and I am absolutely, definitely NEVER getting laid again. 


*In case anyone's interested they were very cheap and ConventGirl is still drinking the last of them as I had to give them to someone who could move the bottles out of my kitchen.

19 comments:

Robin said...

Oh, I have a onesie - it's fleece, with dinosaurs printed on it. It hasn't stopped me getting laid, and I don't think yours will either!

alhi said...

You've made me laugh out loud again! Seriously though, is BendyBus not working at all and is of no use to you?

BenefitScroungingScum said...

Robin: We should start an online Onesie club ;) Although...I think I may need to return mine for a smaller size..it's about a foot too long!

Alhi: Excellent :-) How's you? BendyBus is sort of working, but cuts out all the time so I can't really go anywhere on it at the moment. I think it might need a new battery, but it could be the charger or a loose connection. I'm sure it's fixable I'm just feeling a bit overwhelmed by the constant battling to not get anywhere atm.

bluehook said...

Battery seems like the obvious answer to me. It’s not unusual for 2nd hand scooters to need one or both batteries replaced as they may have sat for a while uncharged or just be at the end of their lifespan. Don’t get ripped off buying a new one though, check eBay for prices

JuliaM said...

"It's a definite flaw in the system that politicians don't receive similar direct consequences to force them to learn from their mistakes..."

Indeed! Pretty sure I saw something in the MSM yesterday or the day before about a cllr or MP getting taken for a ride by a supposedly-licensed taxi, and him being, by a great stroke of luck, the guy in charge of transport policy!

Let's hope for more salutary lessons like this...

JuliaM said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
BenefitScroungingScum said...

Bluehook: Yes I reckon it's probably that too, it sat for ages not being used. I can't get to the battery myself though so I'm going to ask my neighbour to take a look. How was your holiday?

BenefitScroungingScum said...

JuliaM: I didn't see that, how fantastic!

lilwatchergirl said...

"That's right, the BendyBus must have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome."

I've just moved into what can only be described as a bendy house. The plumbing doesn't work. Doors fall off the wall. There are odd unfinished bits everywhere. It creaks a lot. The electrics occasionally stop working altogether. Sound familiar? The Girl and I laugh every time the pipes start sounding like my collagen-deficient digestive system...

Lankylonglegs - Jo said...

I think Bluehook is correct with the comment about the battery being no good, these rechargable thingies don't have a brilliant lifespan sadly. If only we lived closer, we have a dinky lil electric scooter sat here doing nothing you could have had for nowt.
Love the Onesie, however...what happens if you need a wee in the middle of the night? You'd have to strip to almost nekkid before you could 'go' brrrr on those chilly nights - do hope you new flat is centrally heated :)

Hugs

Achelois said...

I want an onesie and i am envious that you have one and I DON'T.

With regard to wheelchair services, i possibly had the most bizarre convervsation of my life on the phone with them just yesterday. I am trying to formulate a post that would make sense in that regard and struggling Big Time.

Haven't read other comments so need to return to do that as got that one eye shut thing going on.

As you are back to communicating again does that mean the dratted dla form has been sent I wonder.

The bendybus just needs to become straight to do the job methinks.

Perhaps if it gets a new batteru it will get some fire in its belly.

Can't see have to stop ty[ing. before I go I just wanted to say, I do that, turn the negative into the positive rather than slide down the carvern of despair.

Rock bottom is no good for EDSer's far too deep to climb out of.

I hope you are soon out, about and get to your destination and back without mishap.

xoxoxoxxoxox

Veronica said...

I knew bendies attracted bendies, but really, isn't this just taking it too far? Have you ever thought that maybe it's all in BendyBus' head? (Hahahahaaaa. Ahem)

Sorry. I couldn't help it.

BenefitScroungingScum said...

Lilwatchergirl: I do believe I used to live in that house ;) Hope the house learns pacing and pain management skills asap! Xx

BenefitScroungingScum said...

LL: Jo, I've never lived anywhere so warm...can't quite get used to it, it's wonderful though! I used to have onesies when I was younger and you're right...much middle of the night loo shivering! Xx

BenefitScroungingScum said...

Achelois: Yes, DLA form sent off, they've got it and I'm pretending it's not happening until they contact me again ;)
As for the onesie, hold off on the jealousy...and don't buy one of the Primark ones...they're about a foot too long for us! It's got to be exchanged for a kids version, doh!
Looking forward to the wheelchair services blog-I find it's usually a hallucigenic experience talking to them, there's no logic to the rules they 'wheel' by. And yeah, laughing instead of crying is the only way for us lot to go! Hugs Xx

BenefitScroungingScum said...

Veronica: LMAO! That's it...the bendybus needs a psychiatrist, not a mechanic!! Xx

Fire Byrd said...

Don't think the onesie is a good plan, getting laid is more fun!

I love how we are all going to have to tighten our blets even more that we are already doing and yet at the same time agencies employed oat some level by the government rip us off endlessly for profit.

Our local head of the County Council works part time for us for 2.5 days a week. Poor lamb is having to make do on £1,000,000 a year. It's a shame he must be down to his last Porche...

Bastards one and all.

Toemailer said...

My bicycle wants a therapist and I told it that when it starts paying for the fuel I need to eat in order to take it out for rides we can then begin to discuss therapists.

bluehook said...

Most scooters come apart quite easily. The seat just lifts off, as long as you lift it straight off (this bit you would need help with I imagine). Then the cover for the batteries, under where the seat was, is usually held in place with Velcro and should just pull apart quite easily. Then you'll be able to see the batteries. You need to have the batteries fully charged, then test each one individually with a voltmeter because one battery might be ok and not need replacing. A single battery may cost around £50 so this is important.

Holiday was quite amazing thanks, more of a pilgrimage really. Hard to come back to usual crap to deal with and over-piled workload.