Phone a friend?

The thing about being a cripple is that you find yourself in situations you never would have dreamed of. Especially sex related ones. Whilst the world may be obsessed with sex in it's every infinite variety, I've yet to see anything mainstream and vaguely decent relating to crip sex. And no, those fetish sites don't count.

I should've realised this much earlier on in my crippled existence. Perhaps the first time I had to ask for help to shave my own armpit should've been a warning sign, but never one to learn I constantly find myself the victim of misfortune. Mostly my own.

Those who've been reading BSS for a while may remember Freddy. In all his obscenely large glory. Since then in an attempt to move him away from The Great Pretender stage and towards The Love Of My Life I've made a few efforts to get to know Freddy better. I'd like to tell you they were successful and I've been keeping my neighbours up nights screaming with pleasure, but sadly it's not to be. Freddy is still an over sized and over rated let down.

Very annoyingly my favourite toy is once again out of batteries, and does not have Freddy's one redeeming feature of easy to change batteries. And of course I forgot to ask the Captain to change them when he was last home. Which led me to the unenviable situation of having to figure out who to ask to change them for me. I value my friends, but rather suspect the request to put new batteries in my vibrator could be a step too far. So I asked Roland. Knowing full well his response would be to laugh alot and make some comments about how dirty the whole thing is whilst pretending he's not getting off on the idea.

Despite Roland being well up for the idea of battery monitor I then forgot to actually produce the toy and batteries. I plead car sickness as a mitigating factor. 10 minutes of winding lanes at 90+ mph never does much for my stomach. Even after a break wandering barefoot round the police car park I was still staggering when I got home. So that's why I forgot. Honest.

Which leads me to the point of this ramble. I need a new toy. This being where you lot come in. Ahem. It must be latex free and not require an engineer to change the batteries. I liked the idea of a rabbit because it provides penetrative as well as clitoral stimulation, and that combination is vital for me. I'm quite happy to use two toys to do the job, so long as it's not too complicated. The mantra 'do not drive or operate heavy machinery' is a good one to remember.

This is not just for me though, I've also been tasked with toy buying for someone else. A woman in her early 50's with zero experience of sex toys. The only information I've been able to elicit from her is that she is not allergic to latex and that it is all about the penetration. And that once I've bought the toy I am to hide it in her bag and never mention it again.

So there you have it. Rather than make another expensive mistake I'm asking for the benefits of your collective wisdom. What worked, or not for you? Anything you'd really recommend, and just as importantly advise steering well clear of? I'm inclined towards some sort of wand or bullet and vibe combination, but does that require alot of manual dexterity? Will a rabbit be too intimidating for someone completely new to the world of sex toys?

Once all advice is in and I make a decision about what to buy I promise a review will follow. Although, that could take a while...depending on how effective said toy is ;)

Britain on the Sick - Panorama

Tonight's Panorama, Britain on the sick leaves a rather unpleasant taste in the mouth. Clearly biased and pushing the government agenda of Arbeiht Macht Frei, it focused on various Incapacity Benefit claimants from Merthyr Tydfil an area with particularly high numbers of people in receipt of the benefit.

It would be foolish to deny there is a problem with both benefit fraud and the high levels of people claiming benefit but the focus of the programme was the so called 1 million. Those people receiving Incapacity Benefit whom the government claims to be able to get off benefit and into work by 2015.

Various people in receipt of benefit living in Merthyr Tydfil were interviewed from the single mum with learning difficulties suffering from post natal depression to the shining example couple. Calvin who had not worked since 1988 and his partner Karen who was described as long term unemployed because she'd stayed home to raise her family. (watch out home makers, you're clearly the next to be labelled scum)

The government were described as placing blame on to the GP's for signing people off in the first place, and things like the Pathways project held up as shiny examples of job seeking wonderfulness. Long term readers of this blog (and others more well known) will know just how wonderful the government's much hyped job brokers really are, but there was no mention of that issue or the equally problematic access to work. In fact people with complex adjustment needs were conspicuous by their absence too.

Not for a moment do I deny that benefit fraud is a problem, or that we have too many people receiving benefits, but if the issue is actually to be addressed then it must be done properly. The government need to stop sending out the message to society that those in receipt of benefits are unworthy scum and accept the challenges are more complex than they currently choose to imagine.

Once those who are easy to place in work have been creamed away from the vast majority of claimants who will find it much more difficult if not impossible to enter a workplace ill prepared and unwilling to accept them, whoever is in power will be left with the stark realisation that their Pathways programmes and job brokers have been no more than a phenomenally expensive sticking plaster over a hidden wound of rationed 'care', lack of access to NHS services and equipment and a system so failing to support the most vulnerable it makes work remain an impossible dream.

Day and Night


Happy Birthday!

Today is the first birthday of benefit scrounging scum. I started to write all about my laudable, but extremely dull aims in setting up the blog, but frankly it's the same old wank everyone spews out, and I only really want to say this.

Thank you, to every single person who reads this blog. I keep going because of the comments you leave and value them all. Today I'd like to ask every person who reads this post to comment. Just so I know you're there. Thank you.

These are some of my favourite posts.

Never Neverland

Chocolate

The Great Pretender

You smell amazing

I am me

Things can only get better

But you promised

No special treatment- the practical response

A question of chance

I see your true colours

Too sunny to blog!

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