Amazing Cancer Curing Water!!!

12/15/2007 05:14:00 pm BenefitScroungingScum 6 Comments

Yesterday when I went to see Toes he was drinking water from a glass bottle. Nothing unusual in that. I drink water all the time, very rarely do I drink anything else, perhaps some fruit juice, although not from a bottle, but that's not very interesting. Not like water that can cure cancer. Now that's pretty amazing I think you'll agree, and that's what Toes told me he was drinking. I was amazed. My friend Toes had the cure for cancer in his hand! We could make a fortune. All we had to do was the same cunning trick I perform at home on a daily basis to drink my water easily. Fill up the bottles from the tap. Perhaps put them in the fridge even for that nice, icy cold refreshing, 'corpy pop' taste.

Toes however was serious. He insists he is drinking water that will at the very least prevent, if not all together cure cancer. Toes if anyone is new to this blog is a staff nurse with 5+ years experience. He did not take my laughing so hard at the cancer curing water that I had a raggy doll moment
ending up on the floor for a good half hour or so too well. I had to suggest a trip to Woolworths to stop the discussion, or rather argument about the water’s complete inability to cure cancer raging all afternoon. We know how to live the high life. Oh yes.

Later, after Woolworths, and diversion to Tesco as Woolworths hadn’t stocked the Christmas tree lights we’d all been after (but did do a fine line in crappy children’s toys of which Toes bought many) we ended back at Toes place for dinner, joined by Fruitrock and another colleague of Toes, Tall Tim who I’d met at Toes Christmas night out. The debate about the cancer curing water sprang back into life.

Sprang back into life is perhaps not a good way to describe my laughing so hard that I do the whole Bambi on acid thing whilst my hips flick in and out so hard I collapse on the floor in a big heap laughing even more at myself. It appears to be an amusing sight as it makes everyone else laugh, thus sending me into further howls of laughter and less and less able to control my body. Fortunately it’s quite a useful way of distracting from arguments. Tall Tim was equally amused by the claims of the cancer curing water. Disregarding the multiple raggy doll experiences, even through the laughter Tall Tim, Fruitrock and I were a little hard pushed to come up with why the water Toes was drinking would never, not under any circumstances cure cancer, other than the fact its water. My old chemistry teacher would finally be proud of me.

It’s OK though. Today I have been sent multiple articles by Toes to ‘prove’ the water can indeed cure cancer. I personally don't need to read them to know that cancer cannot be cured by water, bottled or otherwise. However, I am looking forward to spending another hour or so on the floor of his house paralysed by laughter when round 3 of the amazing cancer curing water debate gets going.


Where do I get the water that cures EDS? Tell Toes to send me that one!

Vi said...

Hey, if we only drank water, nothing else, none of us would GET cancer!!! Did he tell you that one?

From oz xx

Casdok said...

Well ive heard it all now!!

Mary said...

Research just in - 100% of people who recover from cancer have, at some point in their lives, drunk water - it must be a true MIRACLE CURE!

We'll disregard that 100% of people who died of cancer also drank the water, zomg why are we being peddled this POISON, etc.

Just tell me he's not evangelising to his patients.

Fire Byrd said...

UUUM, and what sort of nurse is he? Does he work in psychiatry, is the effect of his patients getting to him.
Is he stressed?
Does he need more water for that.
Tagged you by the way!!

Girl, in fairness Toes does spend a great deal of time carrying me around (literally) to places I'd otherwise never get to, reducing dislocations etc, but happily so far has made no mention of EDS water! He is however determined to create some sort of exo-skeleton to stop those raggy doll moments. heehee. He's thinking along the right lines there.

Vi, I suspect the water is supposed to be a magical antidote to his lifestyle choices ;) Hope you are having a fab time mate! x

Casdok, I know! Great isn't it!

Mary, I know, it's such crap I'm amazed anyone believes it! In all seriousness though, Toes is an excellent nurse, possibly more so because he's eccentric

Pix, no he's not a psych nurse. He works in a department where outrageous behaviour, binge drinking etc seem to be the norm, and that's just the doctors. It is one of the most stressful depts to work in though, and does seem to affect them all quite badly.
Being serious for a second, he is still only in his 20's and without him and Ziggy (who's only 21) I would be lost as they are my primary carers although none of us would call it that. Patients love Toes because he listens to them and is kind. He has some unusual personal beliefs, but doesn't take them to work with him. Hectic day ahead for me, so I'll check the tag out later, hope you're ok, hugs x