Monday, December 03, 2007

T'internet dating

By my standards, this weekend has been quite the social whirl, though when I started to reflect upon it for this post I realised it was no wonder I struggle to meet attractive, available men, I just don't go anywhere to meet them. The 19 year old who's clicked yes to 'are you interested' on facebook definitely doesn't count; Ziggy being only 21, boys of that age I have offering me sex a plenty. Unfortunately (or perhaps not) the toyboy thing just doesn't do anything for me, I prefer my men to be...well, men.

Mostly I tend to socialise with my friends either in my home or in one of theirs, with occasional trips to a pub or bar thrown in, usually somewhere cheap, but nice to eat, crowded places with lots of drunk people not being the most ideal situation when you wobble like a weeble at the best of times. Toes, as previously described throws amazing house parties, but they aren't exactly regular events, which all leads me back to how difficult it is to meet people once you're past your early 20's and for whatever reasons want something more than the binge drinking scene so pervasive in northern England.

Last week, in a bizarre coincidence, I was contacted by two different men I'd 'met' the first time I tried internet dating. One who joined facebook and added me to his friends list, a bit strangely as I've never actually met him, and although once he'd managed to remind me who he was, I did recall we talked quite often and frequently over a period of time, it was 3 years ago, and I probably blocked him from my msn for some reason or other, and the other, who popped up in my msn, charmingly with a display photo of his spindly dick. Which is just what I wanted to see on a dull monday afternoon. In the rain. I did ask him why he felt the need to display his penis to all and sundry, for which he didn't seem to have much answer. I said, that as a grown woman I'd seen my fair share of cock thanks, omitting to mention most were far more attractive than his could ever hope to be, and that the cyber thing just didn't do it for me. We chatted briefly while the photo of his cock just sort of hung there, pathetically, and he went away.

So, I'm thinking about internet dating again, or I will be once I have any money, as unlike those two guys I don't really fancy trying to recycle whatever blokes are left kicking around my msn from the last time I tried. I've heard all sorts of horror stories about it, but the biggest problem I've had when trying internet dating is the sheer volume of of messages, usually falling into distinct groups
The blokes who look like and have all the charm of Jabba the Hut, who then get really nasty when sent the standard thanks but no thanks response. One such charmer sent me an email clearly designed to get in a girl's pants, that read,
'hi ...your not interested in me ?...you have not even spoken to me ...i think this is such a shallow thing ? you don"t deserve anybody ...bone head' Actually, I had a fair few along those lines, along with multiple messages from strange, very elderly American men who missed the irony and self deprecation in my profile and were keen to reassure me that my beauty meant I would find the perfect man in time, oh and if I was interested they'd be in the UK on such and such a date and would like to 'treat' me well. Yeah, seems like whatever I do to my profile a good proportion of guys think I'm an escort. Go figure.

Then in amongst all the dross, abuse, marriage offers from sub saharan Africa are the emails from the nice, decent guys that tend to get overlooked whilst dodging the abusive bullets. As I feel I've wasted my money on previous internet dating experiences sending endless polite 'sorry, not interested, good luck' emails and hiding from my pc whilst debating the need to contact the police for protection, if I'm going to spend money on internet dating again, I want to be sure I can actually get my money's worth. So to speak.

Don't get me wrong, when it actually comes to the date part, I've never had any major problems. Apart from the guy I went out for lunch with and really did have to threaten with the police if he contacted me ever again. Strange, he'd been the perfect gentleman throughout the date.

Other than that over the years, any men I've actually met have all been who they've said they are, looked pretty much like their photos, and not been hiding any major criminal convictions. For me the problem seems to lie prior to the date. After all, actually going on a date with me is an experience like no other, what with the food cutting up, lack of breathing and falling over. It takes a brave man indeed. No, where I need help and advice is earlier in the process. Ways to explain my jobless, poverty stricken, bendy cripple state would be good. Preferably before the actual date.

So, other than suggesting a 'mass' internet dating experience for the single bloggers, I'm out of ideas, and have decided to open it up to you lovely lot...........




5 comments:

Vi vi vi vooom!!!!!!!! said...

Mate, I have enough problems actually getting dates WITHOUT your problems, so haven't got any advice for you in this subject, sorry!

Northern Scrounger in a tuxedo said...

I have a profile on plentyoffish(currently dormant,because I'm jobless,poverty stricken and feel worthless atm - in fact to quote Royston Vasey,I haven't had sex for so long,I've forgotten which armpit its under!).Its a (100%)free dating site,save you some dosh..
Why not simply point them at your blog in the dating profile..they can learn about you here.Hopefully,the men who contact you after reading the blog will be genuinely interested?
Actually,its not that simple is it..a lot of sites don't let you link to personal sites because that would cut off their profits.Heck.How about posting your Big date in your blog as an example of a typical night out with you..should weed out some sharks..
Speaking of which,what happened to the irish guy?Did he run out of free texts? ;) jealous?moi?

BenefitScroungingScum said...

Vi, no worries mate, I think we've all got our own unique problems that add up to, erm no dates! x

Northern Scrounger, how nice of you to dress up ;) Cheers for the tip about that site. As for pointing men at my blog, christ, I blog anonymously cos I don't want people to know about my insecure, neurotic ramblings...I can't see any of this stuff attracting a man! Unless you're trying to tell me something! lol! I think the way I look makes it more confusing, I don't describe myself as disabled in my profile, but always tell blokes pretty quickly and before any date that i've got eds, so that does seem to weed out a fair few.
I think its more like you say, being jobless makes you feel bad about yourself, particularly the way society is atm.
As for Irish guy, must've lost his phone ;) BG x

Anonymous said...

Hello
I have only just 'stumbled' on your blog, me being retired with nothing else to do, its raining so don't go out on motorbike. Anyway your thoughts on how to meet 'attractive' men struck a chord as my daughter was saying the same thing to me, she is late twenties a good professional job, doesn't like boozing, but does drink. Post or let me know if you come up with a solution
Regards
Malthebof@gmail.com
By the by when using Firefox, the comments box opens in a small rectangular box which will not expand, its not just your blog it happens on others, seem to be random. Switching to IE7 gives a good size box.

BenefitScroungingScum said...

Hi Mal, thanks for your comment and welcome. My best suggestion for your daughter is that she try internet dating, perhaps one of the sites northern scrounger or Kim have suggested if she doesn't want to pay.
I know what you mean about the box size in firefox, but overall I prefer it to IE. Hope to 'see' you here again, BG x