Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Perfectly Paranoid

I know myself well enough to know that over analysing things is my worst fault. Besides, even if I wasn't self aware and honest enough to realise that, the blog might have been a slight indication, followed by all of my friends pointing said over analysis out to me. On a regular basis. Usually with glee. Occasionally with irritation. Or with a bit of false information thrown in for good measure. Just to see where I'll go with it. And how long they can keep a straight face at my increasingly panic stricken distress. Gullibility being my second worst fault. Obviously. The two do not make ideal bed fellows.

Which is why I'm currently a tad stressed. A bit paranoid maybe. A lot paranoid even. It's this guy. The Captain. When isn't it? A guy that is. Despite being known for my over analysis and gullibility, laughably I'm known as the sensible 'go to' friend the rest of the time, so of course it's a man. Obviously I'm only paranoid because I really like him. If I wasn't that interested, I wouldn't have given him enough thought to be paranoid, like er, the 3 others currently lurking in the background I can dredge up if I really put my mind to it. At least one of whom has contributed to my current paranoia. Forget Bridget Jones, she to my mind was but a pale imitation of the levels of hysteria to which a woman can truly hype herself up to when really keen on a man. And stupid enough to not only take advice on the subject from her friends, but ex boyfriends and erm, not exactly ex boyfriends, but not exactly current ones either. I have already admitted my stupidity here, so before anyone goes too overboard in the comments, please remember I've also admitted to being gullible and therefore will believe whatever you say.

So why the paranoia? Well, leaving aside the over analysis and worrying lack of self esteem (mine, not his) this is all stemming from varying opinions of friends.
Fruitrock 'he's far too good looking to be accessible, forget about him, and go with Toe's colleague instead' (referring to Tall Time)
Geordie 'he's married you know. I can feel it in me water.'
Roland 'sex. He just wants a shag. Only I love you really. No, I will not police check him for you. It's immoral. Are you sure you won't suck my cock?'
Ziggy 'haha, he's a mercenary. Get him to give me a job'
Zelda 'stop making her paranoid you horrible lot. Don't listen them, besides, have you seen him? Bugger what he might be, just fuck him'

Once the paranoia had reached it's full height, I stopped, calmed myself, and realised that this was all about other people's agenda's, nothing to do with mine. Me, I was scared of something entirely different. That this one might just be for real. Who he says he is. And that truly is the most frightening thought of all.


Casdok said...

Am looking forward to the next instalment already!!

Midnight said...

Sounds like a real dilemna there, but you seem to have worked out that you are probably the only one who can make an objective assessment of the situation and that the advise of others may not be sound. So you are thinking with your head aswell as your heart.

Now that's a good start.

having my cake said...

Stop listening to the voices, slap yourself around the head if necessary (try not to dislocate your neck when you do that!) and start humming Que Sera Sera whilst secretly looking forward to the next phase :)

BenefitScroungingScum said...

Cas, yes, it is all getting unusually dramatic!

Middy, Cheers. That's exactly it. Thank you. He's away so much it gives me plenty of time to think things through...calmly!

Cake, I laughed so loud when reading your comment! Excellent advice m'dear x

EmmaK said...

Ha ha, I'd like to be positive, but when one does get oneself into a frenzy like this it is always because something is not quite right about that person but one doesn't want to admit it. Believe me when it is truly one hundred per cent right one doesn't feel any paranoia at all. Trust me on this! I reckon there are a few things you don't know about him which maybe you won't like when you get to know him better and are not so infatuated.

Girl, Dislocated said...

I tend to over analyze as well, and though it can be the source of many unnecessary headaches, sometimes some good comes of it.

I am a firm believer that no one can truly know or understand everything that goes on in a relationship except for the two people who are actually in the relationship. So good for you for separating your agenda and your concerns from those of other people.

I hope your friends aren't right about his motives and that this is for real! :)

frog ponds rock... said...

I think you have answered all the questions all ready ... hehehehe Just go for it Sweety...xoxoxox and and and..E.N.J.O.Y HEHEHEHE

Emma said...

Hey Bendy whether he is the one or not just go with it and follow your instincts and ignore the voices..xx

Vi vi vi vooom!!!!!!!! said...

Geez, see what happens while I'm away? Come on girl, spill!!!! What's been going on this week? Happy new year!

BenefitScroungingScum said...

EmmaK: I know what you mean, and thank you. However, this is more about my lack of self esteem, paranoia etc as well as issues surrounding his job. In fairness he has done nothing but try to reassure me. As I said, the most frightening thought is that he's for real. Much easier in many ways to stress out about him being married or a faker!

Girl: Absolutely. Since writing the post I've had more realistic conversations with those friends who have no agenda, Fruitrock, Ziggy and Zelda included, all of whom are now firmly convinced he's a good guy. Like I say, only time will tell. Thank you x

Kim: I will! x

Emma: That's the plan. He knows my fears anyway, and has plenty of his own, mainly that I'll change my mind, lol!

Vi: This is Blah #2 you know ;) all go here! I've been too busy doing to post! Hopefully catch up later today, Happy New year to you too x x

kingmagic said...

BG...dont beat yourself up all the time...go with the flow.

Have a brill New Year and all that stuff.

Kingmagic...*Big Hug*

Complex Girl said...

Oh I loved those comments (although obviously not you being paranoid or stressed about them!!) - they did make me chuckle though :-)