Ok, I have clean pants, oramorph & codeine in my handbag...oh and my teddy bear. Think that is all set for conference!
I don't suppose my security pass for Conservative Conf will work at Labour conf will it?
We arrived in style at lab tweet up-inaccessible so 2 lovely strong men carried me downstairs!
Fucking, Fucking, Fucking duck! Bastard bloody 1 way system
Been bollocked by police, driven round cocking Manchester in a cocking circle & now,. Being rescued by lazarus
Thank god for Lazarus. We're safe in hotel, will update post wee
Ok, all sitting comfortably? Here's our
Fringe went well despite no bloody microphone. We talked & schmoozed. Then, foolishly went to lab tweet up..
Lab tweet up was in a basement. No, no lift. The accessible ground floor wasn't. Staff lifted scooter, nice strangers carried me
The sodding toilet was backup the stairs..& down another flight of stairs. Draw line at asking strangers carry me to loo
Made it back to car in pissing rain.
1, ok, 2 wrong way down 1 way streets later, enter angry policewoman to bollock me. Multiple apologies later let me off 3 points, phew!
Hotel staff wait outside in rain. We drive past hotel on wrong side of road at least 6 times. Eventually overcome police induced hysteria
Wait for policeman to move. Perform illegal u turn. Find nice hotel staff. Lazarus (yes, really his name) comes to rescue
Lazarus gets in car with me,
Lazarus pushed me back to hotel where manager had got
So thank you Lazarus you lovely, lovely man. Britain's a better country for having you here
And so hopefully endeth the disaster of
Thistle hotel was where I stayed in bristol. Best access policy & disability aware staff ever. Hugely impressive thistle group
"shit, we're going to be locked up for being crap"
There are many people we should thank as part of this. However, undoubtedly not a single one of them would wish to be publicly associated with this litany of petty lawbreaking, sobbing and snot...
Things wot happened that we didn't get time to tweet;
Met Ricky Tomlinson. Managed to avoid calling him Ricky Gervais. Failed to persuade him to attend Hardest Hit event, but came away with an invite to go to his club as his guest. Nice Ricky!
We met Tom Greatrex and had a good chat over tea. As a sign of things to come had to swig oramorph during said chat. Rather suspect swigging oramorph from bottle in posh hotel while chatting to MP only standard behaviour for spoonies.
We 'found' Jon Cruddas and Maurice Glasman. Clearly both thrilled to see us. Explained to everyone Maurice's skill at wheelchair pushing. It's important for Peer's to have a talent. Took Jon on magical mystery tour of Manchester Town Hall's access. Managed to push button in bizarrely padded lift. Pointed out obvious fitness for work on basis of button pushing. Glossed over hitting scooter into padded walls of lift.
Explained to Jon that you get to see all the best bits of buildings via the accessible routes. He looked a tad peturbed and asked what the access route we'd just taken was like in comparison to general access. He then looked quite troubled when I explained that this was at the impressive end of the access scale...ie there was access.
Got lost trying to move car 200m. Got aquainted with one way system. Required directions from 3 sets of police. It rained. Did we mention the rain? The rain, the bloody dropped not bloody far enough kerbs and the bloody, bloody rain.
Tapegate. Oh crap...we really did make a video diary in the car. Neither Sue nor I have a bright future in film making, but The Thick of It would be jealous of our dialogue;
"Fuck you Daily Mail...we're going to spend all our DLA on crack!"