Revenge Of The Bendy Baked Bean Boob Gods..

4/03/2011 11:07:00 am BenefitScroungingScum 9 Comments

Apparently blogging about good days angered the bendy baked bean boob gods who held off until Friday evening (25th March) when they blew back in with a torrent of revenge. No...not that kind of blew in, frankly that would have been a much pleasanter option altogether.

It must've been around 7pm when things started to go a bit wrong. Trufflethebendy and I were chatting on skype, which for us does tend to consist of a great deal of hilarious mocking each other for the freakish appearance dislocations one of us has spotted in the other. I was particularly floppy and hypotonic that evening, so my stomach was painfully distended. In one of those moments which seem truly inspired until disaster strikes we decided I should have a feel below my sternum to find out exactly what was causing the bulging.

So I did. Have a feel that is. Very carefully pressing with two fingers into what would usually be a bulging diaphragm for which I have been taught the safe technique to release. Except this time the muscles didn't tense and then ease off as I was expecting to feel, instead I felt my entire stomach lurch backwards and trigger the immediate spasm of everything in the area.

At which point I released I couldn't breathe. Or talk. Or do anything much except cough and choke. And cough and choke and cough and choke. And go a bit blue. Poor Truffle was watching helplessly via skype, as I disappeared in and out of the frame coughing and choking.

The initial spasm lasted for about two and a half minutes and when it eased off I still couldn't talk as my larynx, thyroid and crycothyroid had all dislocated. In addition to which, as I tried to breathe in I could feel my entire oesophegus and trachea collapse into themselves, like a pinched drinking straw. Having experienced this before I know the absolute worst thing to do is to give into the panic. That worsens the spasms and always ends in a one way ticket to A&E.

Fortunately, although I couldn't talk, I could type enough to manage to communicate that I knew what was happening. Apparently by the time I agreed it might be a good idea to get someone round to sit with me I had been spasming for around 40 minutes, although to me it only seemed a few to me. I managed to text my neighbour 'can you come round' and then realised that the door was locked, she didn't have a key and I hadn't sorted out my key safe. The spasms were easing off enough so that I could make it to the door, but slowly while both Truffle fretted that she couldn't see me and Cat worried that she couldn't get in and didn't know what kind of trouble I was in.

Truffle stayed on skype so she could explain what was happening as I still couldn't talk properly and was coughing and spasming, although the time of the spasms was shortening so I was hopeful the worst had passed.

It's all a bit blurry and hazy for me in retrospect, I remember Truffle talking and giving instructions about medication and what to do if things got worse and that although we both remained completely calm how absolutely terrifying it was...and how much I *really* didn't want to have to go to A&E on a friday night...typical!

The spasms gradually eased and I was able to swallow some diazpam. Cat stayed with me until I was ready for bed having made sure I'd managed to safely swallow food as well as liquids.

The following day I was utterly spoonless and trying not to worry about the continuing spasms and trip to London on the monday. Fortunately resting and being looked after by friends and neighbours worked and I was much improved the next day and made it to London on the Monday with breathing and voice intact. A week on I can still feel how threateningly floppy it all is, and every so often my throat falls in on itself or trachea pinches shut but no more major spasms. Which is a relief for all concerned - as is the fact my key safe is now securely in place!

Lesson learned - never leave two BendyGirl's alone with a camera and fingers to poke with. Ahem.

Look out for a companion blog to this written from Truffle's persepctive


Oh wow how scary was that. So happy to hear you are feeling better and here's hoping it stays away xxx

Geez thanks Bendy, now I know to worry about this kind of thing?

Am very pleased that you're okay. xx

Sue Marsh said...

Love the last line. Not advice many men will take well.

Oooooh, spooky, captcha code is bendicat!!!!

Casdok said...

So glad you still have your sense of humour and are ok now. x

Casdok said...

Glad you still have your sense of humour and are ok x

Fire Byrd said...

Sounds terrifying to have and terrifying to watch.
Thank goodness for clamness and good neighbours. Glad you're doing better this week.

Shona said...

How terrifying. Sounds like you did the right thing by not panicking, not sure I could have stayed so calm.

e said...

Kudos to you for not panicking, and for going to London.

Ceeej said...

Another lesson to learn, give your neighbour(s) a key, glad you're ok though.