Phone a friend?

5/25/2008 07:22:00 pm BenefitScroungingScum 36 Comments

The thing about being a cripple is that you find yourself in situations you never would have dreamed of. Especially sex related ones. Whilst the world may be obsessed with sex in it's every infinite variety, I've yet to see anything mainstream and vaguely decent relating to crip sex. And no, those fetish sites don't count.

I should've realised this much earlier on in my crippled existence. Perhaps the first time I had to ask for help to shave my own armpit should've been a warning sign, but never one to learn I constantly find myself the victim of misfortune. Mostly my own.

Those who've been reading BSS for a while may remember Freddy. In all his obscenely large glory. Since then in an attempt to move him away from The Great Pretender stage and towards The Love Of My Life I've made a few efforts to get to know Freddy better. I'd like to tell you they were successful and I've been keeping my neighbours up nights screaming with pleasure, but sadly it's not to be. Freddy is still an over sized and over rated let down.

Very annoyingly my favourite toy is once again out of batteries, and does not have Freddy's one redeeming feature of easy to change batteries. And of course I forgot to ask the Captain to change them when he was last home. Which led me to the unenviable situation of having to figure out who to ask to change them for me. I value my friends, but rather suspect the request to put new batteries in my vibrator could be a step too far. So I asked Roland. Knowing full well his response would be to laugh alot and make some comments about how dirty the whole thing is whilst pretending he's not getting off on the idea.

Despite Roland being well up for the idea of battery monitor I then forgot to actually produce the toy and batteries. I plead car sickness as a mitigating factor. 10 minutes of winding lanes at 90+ mph never does much for my stomach. Even after a break wandering barefoot round the police car park I was still staggering when I got home. So that's why I forgot. Honest.

Which leads me to the point of this ramble. I need a new toy. This being where you lot come in. Ahem. It must be latex free and not require an engineer to change the batteries. I liked the idea of a rabbit because it provides penetrative as well as clitoral stimulation, and that combination is vital for me. I'm quite happy to use two toys to do the job, so long as it's not too complicated. The mantra 'do not drive or operate heavy machinery' is a good one to remember.

This is not just for me though, I've also been tasked with toy buying for someone else. A woman in her early 50's with zero experience of sex toys. The only information I've been able to elicit from her is that she is not allergic to latex and that it is all about the penetration. And that once I've bought the toy I am to hide it in her bag and never mention it again.

So there you have it. Rather than make another expensive mistake I'm asking for the benefits of your collective wisdom. What worked, or not for you? Anything you'd really recommend, and just as importantly advise steering well clear of? I'm inclined towards some sort of wand or bullet and vibe combination, but does that require alot of manual dexterity? Will a rabbit be too intimidating for someone completely new to the world of sex toys?

Once all advice is in and I make a decision about what to buy I promise a review will follow. Although, that could take a while...depending on how effective said toy is ;)


cogidubnus said...

From all the bad, really bad, mistakes I've made, I've gleaned the following...With a toy, at least, size is NOT paramount...far from it...flexibility, vigour, and variety are...

The rabbit is pretty damn good because of the variety...

The rest? Well work it out BG!

Anonymous said...

By far the best vibrator I've ever used is one that plugs into the mains called the Hitatchi Magic Wand. Very dear (and you'll probably need a US/UK adapter), it's actually a general purpose massage, no hope of penetration, but it is really very very good and lasts forever. And you can have it about in the bedroom and people imagine that it is for pain control or something (which, of course, it is).

As for disability and sex, there is the US sex shop and information site Come as you are which is pretty good I reckon. Never used them, but the vibe seems a pretty posistive one.

Mary said...

Well, I repeat my previous comment about going to a big town or city to find an Ann Summers, you can't try before you buy but you can at least handle them, see how the buttons work and how the batteries change and so on. I'd never go to an Ann Summers party, but their shops are really good.

The rabbit is an incredible concept but like you've found, one size does NOT fit all and bigger should not be considered better.

How allergic are you to latex? Is it that you mustn't have it in the house at all, or is it just that rubbing it on your sensitive bits is a bad idea? Because you can always put latex-free condoms onto whatever toys you use. Makes them easier to clean, too.

Or, I don't know if this would work for you, but I love mine... the Rock Chick, which I have just discovered is totally hypo-allergenic silicon goodness.

Dark Side said...

Well, like everything else I have as many sex toys as shoes, but my old fav is called the dolphin and if you have read my AFF post K bought it for me.

It has rotating beads in the end and brilliant clit stimulation, 0 to orgasm in less than a minute...not sure where he bought if from though, dreading it packing up in me...xx

Anonymous said...

i dont need batteries just food drink and skunk occasionally :-}

Fire Byrd said...

I wanted to comment but I'm floundering as my fingers do the job more than adequately, so I'll not bother.

eeore said...

You had me slightly flumoxed there wondering how big this sex toy was that you needed someone to help you change the battery - at which point I found myself wondering if there was a market for a pedal driven sex toys - and no there probably isn't.

I realise it doesn't probably work the same with ladies but the internet is pretty useful.

Anonymous said...


I'm lucky enough to have the 'real thing' in my bed most nights so I'm a complete novice with regard to your query... but thanks for alerting me to what I've obviously been missing!

Now, as I have no direct experience with this, (the wife is not into power tools) I do have 2 female friends who swear by their rabbit. As one friend said, "If it could buy me dinner, it could replace men altogether."

Be afraid, be very afraid........

Anonymous said...

Go for the rabbit, best invention ever!

Cogi: Clearly there is a story or two in that comment ;)

Anon: Thank you, I checked that site out and it was really helpful for information. I don't know if they sell it in the US, but there seems to be a durex product very similar to the magic wand. It's on offer for £25 UK so I'm thinking about trying it when I have the cash as I like the massager idea. Not so sure about using it as a vibrator tho!

Mary: Heehee, the rock chick is exactly the toy I wanted, it looks fab you lucky thing! Only problem is that I've seen multiple reviews suggesting it isn't the best toy for petite women as the size means if you use it for penetration you can't use it for clit stimulation, too big a gap. Which, is a significant part of the problem I've had with the rabbit. Sigh.
Complicating matters is that I have to buy online, I'm not sure if I mentioned it last time but I can't access an Ann Summers store, there are two available within 40 mins or so drive, but neither are in places I can access alone.
If latex free condoms were affordable (£6.99 for 5!) I would do exactly as you recommend and use them over latex toys, but that would get very pricey very quickly.

Kim: TY, I went and read those posts, you're right they were great!

Emma: TY, funnily enough I was looking at a toy called the dolphin but I'm not sure if it was the same one. Made by fun factory and I love their toys, well made, silicone and effective. The problem is not being able to change batteries because they use the same squeeze and pull mechanism. If, god forbid your dolphin does pack up, I'm sure lovehoney will be able to provide an alternative.

Jurid: Typical man hey?! ;)

BB: lucky you, I wish!

TFA: Probably not, though, having spent alot of time in a pub which had old pedal operated sewing machines for tables I thank you for the most hilarious mental image!
I can't change the batteries because you have to squeeze and pull to remove the casing and I don't have either the strength or hand span to do so.

Steph: You're missing nothing in comparison to the real thing ;)

Mr Nighttime: Maybe I'm very odd, but why would anyone want to replace men, I love cock far too much!

Alison: Hello and ty. Glad it works so well for you, I wish it did for me :(

Unknown said...

My wife calls me Mr. Bunny (sometimes) and NOT because I'm 'quick'. It's just that I have replaced her 'rabbit'. She does, however, make me shave before anythings starts - I have been known to cause 'rug burn' with my beard. Which can be coarse. Just like me.

"Mr Nighttime: Maybe I'm very odd, but why would anyone want to replace men, I love cock far too much! "

Where were you when I was in my mid-20's...... ;-)

Lou: That's cute ;) Really. And your wife is a wise woman, stubble burn is not a good look! heehee

Mr Nighttime: Er, what kind of time frame are we talking here? lol

Well, I am in my mid-, no, actually my late 40's, so you do the math.... ;-)

Anonymous said...

The rabbit seems dangerous. I think nothing beats a simple easy to hold vibe. ;) I can't believe I am even answering this question. Blush.

Oh, and pardon my ignorance, but, BYM? What does that stand for?

Dave said...

Dear Bendy Girl,
Someone else has already flagged them up but these are made in Kettering of all places


Mr Nighttime: Primary school, sorry ;)

Marla: You go girl! And totally agree, the rabbit does, and is dangerous for some of us ;)

Mr Nighttime: BYM stands for the beautiful young man. I gave him that name when we first started to get to know each other because he is such a beautiful man (referring to personality rather than looks as most of the names I choose do) We've settled into a friendship I feel incredibly priviledged to have.

Dave: They are exactly the toy I wanted, but sadly not designed for the more petite lady. As for kettering, I had to google it. Geography's never been my strong point! BG x

Joanna Cake said...

I have a rock chick - only used it once. As BG said, for us smaller ladies, bits just dont fit where there supposed to in terms of multitasking.

I also hate rabbits but, for a beginner, Im not sure you can go too far wrong with them.

My fave vibe (and Ruf's) is the Ultra 7 from Ann Summers. I think it's silicon and it has seven different pulse/vibrate settings. We often use that with my tulip clit wand. If you're lying down, you just insert it and it stays put fairly happily buzzing away.

Cake: Thanks for that, it just reaffirms my decision not to get a rock chick. Wouldn't it be great if they made a smaller version?
You would love the enormous box of toys that I picked up today, I'd ordered one for the other lady I mentioned, something for myself, but with the added 'free' toys it was like a sex toy explosion!

kingmagic said...

Lil sis...!!!
If mum sees this she'll go into orbit!
Why oh why cant you just settle for a quick stand next to the washing machine when its on full spin?
(Note to self...must get lil sis more Bromide for her tea!)
Big bro...x

Mary said...

Now I feel enormous :(

Big bro: Washing machine, now there's a thought.... heehee lil sis x

Mary: And I feel really bad! That's what my friend Red says when she stands next to me, and she's about 5'2!

Vi said...

You know I'm a fan of the rabbit, but I've herd the bullet is quite good, small discreet, not latex, I'm sure not to hard to change batteriess. That's the vibe for you but not the penetration.

Patiently waiting for the review! ;)

Boy you are getting your money's worth out of this post.......BTW, Cake, what is the direct link to your blog?

Anonymous said...

Jurid: Typical man hey?! ;)

i aim to please lol been called a few names never typical :-P
just trying to save you power ;-}

Brian said...

Hello from Vancouver. Local paper "The Straight" has a sex advice column and recent column focused on sex for the disabled.
Hope it can help.

Slip said...

Maybe it is time to go to the drawing board and come up with something. I would try to help you out but every time I think about your problem the blood runs out of my brain to the little head. It seems a hard-on makes me dumb!

Anonymous said...

I love some of these comments! LOL!

I'm very fond of my rabbit - I have the platinum - but I can tell you that Other Half would get very concerned if I started to call it Freddie. And there is no way I'm going to explain that here!

What have I have found that is useless? The Cone is useless. Utterly, utterly useless, and expensive too. And I have a Sinflut recharcheable which is nice, but often won't hold it's charge. The control is fiddly, too, so may not work for you.

I'd recommend the glass toys for non-allergenic - see for some extraordinarily beautiful examples - but they are very basic, don't vibrate and no fancy bits.

Anonymous said...

Sorry, that was me, above. I don't know what I did wrong there!

Vi: That was one of the options I considered, they look good I reckon!

Girl: I'm currently patiently doing all the testing ;)

Mr Nighttime: I know! Cake's blog is linked to in the sidebar here, it's having my cake and eating it too

Brian: Hello and thank you for that link, rather good I thought!

Slip: Doesn't sex make us all dumb?!

Jay: Iexpect the problem is blogger playing up again! Thanks for that, the cone was one I considered, so I'm very pleased to hear it was rubbish before wasting money on it! I love the look of the glass toys, but I tend to think they are more for with a partner than solo play-not sure if that's right though, BG x

Kayell Arts said...

Hey there, I'm a fellow EDS-er and fell upon this blog after reading some others. So, in terms of a sex toy... I found the rabbit to be too big for me... I'm a very petite person... a friend of mine as something called the Sin Flute. It's rechargable... in that it sits in a stand and doesnt need batteries!!! It's ergonomic (definite plus), and has various settings for vabration patterns... I wish I could remember where she got it, but it is called the Sin Flute... I'm tempted to get one myself, but I am broke... lol. Good luck on your toy finding.

TT: Hello and welcome :) I shall have to check out the sin flute, thanks for the recommendation! I did see a few rechargeable toys when I was looking, but they were all way out of my price range. Ah well, maybe one day
Thanks again, hope you'll stick around, BG x

cait said...

I personally don't recommend the bullet, it has a bit of a sharp end? I never thought my first comment to this blog would be about vibrators. Oh and the bullet I got didn't vibrate, piece of rubbish but I don't think you can return vibrators really....