Like Advent Calendars...Only A Bit Shitter

12/02/2010 02:30:00 pm BenefitScroungingScum 26 Comments

I got my DLA! High rate for both care and mobility, and it's an indefinite award. Well, indefinite until 2013 when we're all getting reassessed and being given medicals anyway. Then, even those of us now deemed to be so cripped up there's not any point in giving us medicals in the first place must have a medical to save money. 

The brown envelope arrived this morning. Tucked in amongst the pile of student debt letters for my neighbours I knew immediately what it was. I was shaking so much I couldn't pick it up properly and when I did manage to open it I dislocated a finger in the process. Undoubtedly a crafty tactic on the part of the DWP to place one final 'are you really a proper spazzer' test before issuing the good news that actually, yes you are. So spazzed up in fact that, despite the desperation to be seen to catch those 0.5% of fraudsters the Daily Mail love to hate, it's not worth dragging you in for a medical. The psychological impact of being deemed that crippled won't hit for a few days.

It's been four hours or so now since I opened the letter and the shakes are finally diminishing. As anyone who's experienced stress for a long period of time will know, once that stressor is removed there comes a huge rush of anxiety hormones. I may have stopped shaking but I'm still very wobbly, panicky and can't really think too straight. 

At first I was elated. The sheer relief of not having to fill out another form, knowing I don't have to appeal and that I'll be getting more money than before. Actually that dind't come first. Sitting shaking and hyperventilating a bit did. The relief is just about starting to trickle in now...though is regularly being defeated by the wooshing hormones of anxiety still leaving me. In case anyone is wondering, anxiety is bloody awful. Give me a dislocated hip anyday, so long as you keep the anxiety.

The hardest bit about applying for DLA is the need to justify how absolutely, utterly shit you, everything about you and your entire existence is. Even if actually you think you're pretty ok...admittedly wobbly and sometimes a bit dribbly, but pretty ok really. There's no room for ok on a DLA form, it's all about the shit. Sometimes the piss too, but shitting inappropriately will really win you stars on your spazzer wall chart. Like advent calendars...only, well, shitter! 

So erm, yeay me. Officially shit. But my god am I glad to live in a country which still just about holds on to the concept that providing financially for those of us officially deemed crap is the right thing to do. Yeay for the shit! 


ChrisD said...

Congratulations! (I think ;)

saurou said...

Congrats! I know exactly what you mean! Now take some deep breaths and enjoy the feeling of NOT filling out forms!

That is just fucking awesome. I am so happy for you! :)

Now if only I could figure out how on earth you managed to do it - I can NOT get my head around DLA forms. :(

Hellsbells said...

That's the part I found worse about DLA - having to not just admit, but write down in detail just how bad you are. The only way to cope with being like it is to not dwell on it but these forms just rub your nose in it.

So happy for you

Lankylonglegs-Jo said...

Excellent news BG, at least for now you won't have to worry about whether or not you can afford to get some help.
Although I think with all the publicity you've been getting lately helped - they wouldn't dare not grant it, imagine their thoughts...Oh Christ, this one really WOULD shout loud and hard telling the world how we turned her down?
Let's hope they realise so many more genuinely need help and stop this messing people around soon.
Santa still loves you :o)
Jo x

Unknown said...

I am glad you have it. When I got the indefinite award four years ago I thought my troubles with the DLA were over and I would never see the form again until this government arrived that is and announced we were all going to be reassessed. maybe fingers crossed we will just be rubber stamped as there aren't many people who have indefinite awards and we will be last to reassessed as they are going to do it by review dates.

And yes I know what you mean by stating your life is utter crap on the form.

saurou said...

I hope you don't mind but I quoted you (and linked to you) in my most recent blog. I can take it down if you disapprove for some reason. Congrats again!

WendyCarole said...

glad to hear you got it

em said...

well done. i cant agree with you more with anxiety. x

Nemonie said...

Congratulations honey \o/ Gentle hugs for you.

I'm waiting to hear back to see if my request to have my lower rate care DLA superseded because of increasing levels of shitness, has resulted in an increased award, no change, or them taking away the LRC.

Anonymous said...

Result! :)

Very pleased to hear this news, after all the rabid hate-propaganda coming from the gutter press about the `evil-fifth-colum-benefit-scroungers`.

Hope you can breathe a bit more easily now. :)

I'm happy dancing inside my head for you. YAY!

RockHorse said...


And thank you for your blog, which I've been reading with interest and the whole gamut of emotions.

e said...

Effing awesome and I hope this will make your life easier. We don't have DLA here. If we did, I know several people whose lives would be made better instantly. In this way, you are fortunate.

Casdok said...

Realy pleased and relieved for you :)

I add to the "Yay...sort of"; currently re-doing my own DLA due to new shittiness and remembering the advice "If you don't need a good long cry after reading over your DLA form, you haven't done it right".

Yay. I guess.

Dave the Dog said...

Big relief.....whew! Happy for you hon.

Anonymous said...

Congratulations Bendy Girl! I've been through enough grief, stress, and hassle with Incapacity Benefit, Atos Orifice, appeals, etc. to know the feelings of worry and relief involved.

bluehook said...

About time.
What can we do about this DLA form shitness?
Seems like it's easier to fill in somebody else's form than one's own? Maybe we should all buddy up and do each other's - first draft anyway. Something for BoB perhaps?

Anonymous said...


i'm jealous, got lrc and lrm despite being unable to even sit now. scared to appeal cos they might stop it entirely and i'll be homeless again.

Achelois said...

I couldn't comment for rage when I read you were still waiting. I'm not up to much at the moment so haven't been blogging or commenting in the virtual world.

But had to comment to say I am so pleased for you that this ordeal is over (until 2013....) although understand so well the mixed blessing of realising that having EDS is such $%^&. Worn that hat. At least you don't have this stress hanging over you any more. I am the same with an indefinite award and I just do feel that looking at it all over again in 2013 will be an expensive mistake. Unless a miracle cure happens eh! OH tells me they are looking at removing an element of the DLA and replacing it with vouchers or something daft. I can't read about it all at the moment its just too stressful.

So for the meantime - BG I am just completely relieved on your behalf that the decision makers made the right decision.

Unknown said...

So very glad that you can concentrate on something else for a bit now, it's so stressful having to deal with it all. Huge congratulations, enjoy your victory ;)

Alison said...

Congrats! Now you're as shit as the rest of us!!! lol

Well done, Bendy! No more forms... for three years. Oh well. 8-(

Have just stumbled onto your blog via Sirens/stories of a EMT.

Congrats on te DLA claim. You are so right about the DLA claim form. It's a monster. And I can't bear to complete it. Even though i ought to, I think. My friend has pestered me to do it for a few years, since she got her DLA. But I just can't do it. The new scheme - albeit coming in 2013 - is another excuse for me not to.

best wishes

Someguy said...

If it helps anybody; there is a pdf version of the DLA form that can be filled-in onscreen. (Not to be confused with the online application or the pdf version you print off and fill in by hand.

This version allows you to type in the boxes and will usually make the text as small as you need to fit it all in whilst still being readable. You can save as you go. Then you can print it off, sign and date it and NOT send it to the listed addresses on the back.

All the DWP "PO Boxes" are just fake addresses designed to prevent you getting electronic proof of delivery from Royal Mail with evidence of a signature. Your certificate of posting is useless without it when they "loose" your claim form and then dispute that they got it in the post.

They are only obliged to backdate to when they got the form so it's a good way to cheat you out of 3 months or so of benefit. The certificate of posting gives no evidence of the form making it to them; you need signed proof of delivery for that. PO Boxes won't provide it.

Send your form direct to the Blackpool "existing claimants" office instead as it is where it really ends up anyway.