Conference Diary Day 3: Day 2 #cpc12

10/13/2012 10:39:00 am BenefitScroungingScum 5 Comments

Oh god, is it really only monday? Took stupid but fabulous shiny red shoes off and on and off and on all day. 

Long, productive meeting with Neil O'brien from Policy Exchange think tank. Brief but busy meeting with Charlotte Leslie MP (Big Society Tsar)

Then fringe on workfare that wasn't actually called workfare but basically was workfare. Met man from Avanta. He was a wanker. That's my polite opinion btw. Was quite alot sore. Sat on floor of fringe, swigged quite alot of oramporh. Fringe went on, and on, and on. They talked agnostics, apples & subs. Apparently all welfare related. Not in an oramorph haze it wasn't!

Voldemort* turned up. He droned. Alot. Couldn't tell you what about. Told the Dark Lord that he should stop bullying disabled people, that the more they put sanctions in the less likely we are to engage and STOP BULLYING US. Droning non answer from Dark Lord but rest of panel seemed receptive. Then whilst still sat on the floor unable to get up Voldermort came over and PATTED ME!! And told me not to worry. I scowled but frankly its hard to look tough on the floor next to a bottle of oramorph when you're a bit crying. Lifted off floor by three people. 

Followed to toilet by BBC Political Reporter. Arranged to meet him in 15 minutes.

Found nice** armed policeman. Offered him job as my carer. He declined on the basis he'd be better off on Job Seeker's Allowance. Asked nice armed policeman if I could please stroke his gun. He let me. I told him I'd long thought a wheelchair riot would be fun. Policeman suggested riding on back of scooter with gun to do battle chariot style. We like the armed policeman who say police are on disabled people's side.

Conducted meeting with man from the Beeb slumped on floor in oramorph haze. Was much saying of 'oh bollocks does that make sense?' Tricky enough to explain entire welfare reform Act and impacts in 15 minutes to someone who knows nothing about it, trickier again when smashed on morphine. Must've done reasonable job as he did good report with great headline.

Had another meeting. Meeting held on the floor as getting off the floor not a viable option. Definitely not typical way of conducting meetings at Conservative conference.

Went to yet another meeting with charity peoples. Failed to go to disability employment fringe as too tired. Now back at hotel. Tired, sore, tired. And Patted!!!

*Lord Freud
** Ok, extremely good looking AND nice armed policeman


Anonymous said...

Oh god! PATTED by the Dark Lord! *retch* You deserve a bloody medal just for putting up with that.

By the way did nice policemen ever show you his gun?

Wheelie said...

May I invent a new word? Gutsiness.

It's when someone makes an effort to do something against all the odds.

And by gosh, I for one really appreciate what you do. Thank you. Thank you very much.

chocolatewig said...

Bendy I hope you did the patronus spell because I've been hit by a Dementor (one of his disciples disguised within department of work and pensions)
All hope is lost for me, but I'm hanging on and should we defeat the dark lord and his cronie Dementors I will find my soul again.

Vicki said...

Judging by the pics shoes indeed fabulous.

Hate being told that mobility-challenged people should wear sensible shoes.

Anonymous said...

Anyone who pats a disabled person should have their hands chopped off forthwith (then have them sown back on, but none of the nerves fixed back together, so they 'look' fine).