Middy's Care Package

9/17/2007 09:54:00 pm BenefitScroungingScum 4 Comments

I sent Middy his care package today. I don't hold out much hope for the crisps but the porn should do just fine. I've never bought a top shelf magazine before, and as 5 foot is a far off dream for me the idea of a top shelf proved an interesting challenge.

I did briefly toy with the idea of trying to climb up the lower shelves and help myself, but I knew that was asking for trouble. I had visions of trying to explain to the paramedics what I'd been doing. Well, er you see, there's this blog I read. And I thought I'd buy a magazine for the bloke that writes it. Oh yeah, cos I was sending him a parcel. He's a soldier you know. Yes, dislocated hips. And shoulders. No, probably you're right. Not the best idea

So there was nothing for it but to ask someone to reach the shelf for me. I considered the bloke in the shop clearly buying sweets for his kids, but he looked like he'd explode if I so much as spoke to him, so I asked the girl behind the counter. "Can you get me a top shelf magazine down please" Whilst giggling. Like a maniac. I don't look terribly threatening, or apparently as though I'd be into any kind of porn as she giggled a lot too and climbed up on to the lowest shelf, asking me if I had any idea what the magazines were. I didn't. Sorry Middy, I've just never got in to porn. My friends think I own the only computer free from porn left in existence. Unfortunately the girl in the shop didn't know anything about porn either apart from my explanation that it was being picked out to send in a care package so she chose the one with the free dvd. Then we realised they all had free dvd's. And blanked out covers. I hope we didn't pick you donkey porn.

Donkey porn aside, it was easy to put a parcel together with a few treats and now that it's free to send parcels to named forces personnel, inexpensive. I mentioned this earlier to Roland, who as a policeman was rather chuffed to hear about this and immediately offered to send Middy a parcel too. Now, I've no idea how long Middy's on holiday for, but I do know there will be some people not lucky enough to receive any mail whilst there out there. As a few other people have offered to send parcels to Middy, perhaps he could let us know how to go about this?


Vi said...

Go about what, sending other people parcels? I didn't know about the free mail service. Did I end up emailing you his addy? Bah, I gotta lay off the vodka.

I believe he's out there until Christmas (but coming home for R&R in a few weeks.

Heehee Vi, you on the Voddy, me on the green clearly makes for a confusing combination!

Ange emailed me Middy's addy a couple of days back, so no, you didn't email it, don't worry ;)

The free postal service is very recent. When I sent a parcel last year to a friend in Basra it cost me more in postage than the contents of the parcel!

And yes, I meant how to go about sending other people parcels. The free post is only if you send the parcel to named personnel, so you can't just put 'a soldier' then they'd charge full first class postage cheeky sods!

I just thought with all these people offering to send parcels to Middy maybe it would be a good idea to share them out a bit. Having worked on an isolated summer camp years back, although it's totally different, receiving the parcel was just as exciting as the contents of it.

Joanna Cake said...

Is donkey porn the same as ass sex?

Cake, I'm in awe. You've clearly been having a whole other kind of ass sex to me ;) heehee x